it was in the last year at college that we met. i was glad, finally! To have met a man who had the same ideals and ideas on romance, as i did. as a student of grueling courses and copious amounts of school activities, I found it hard to keep a job that consisted of more than 12 hours worth of work a week. i was poor. the rest of the time was spent sleeping, dreaming about why I wasn't awake finishing my course work, wishing I was sleeping. It seemed like an never ending cycle of living; but when i met Chris. i was attracted, yeah, sure. but i resisted the notion, because i didn't need a distraction at the time. but he swaggered over to me, and he charmed me in a way that softened the callouses i had grown in my brain from years of hard study. he was interesting, but he understood the demands on me because they were on him too.
but like every romance that develops in the confines of an educational institute, the grades slipped, and the heat got hot.
I was with him all the time, sneaking in work when he slept, but we were together. he played a guitar and made up stupid songs about being pulled over by the police (with a french accent). All we needed was a quiet place, cheep beer, low lights, and the ability and talent, to keep one another entertained for sometimes, days on end.
We were lovers in poverty. lack, was our way of being creative, and enjoying simplicity. birthdays and vacation times were ushered in with creative, shoe string gestures, that i found endearing. and even when Chris felt bad because he couldn't afford to buy me a pair of new shoes, or ear rings, i would reassure him that this was what i had been looking for all my life.
I had grown up in a wealthy family, and expensive gifts was our love language. these loves gifts were also tools, to manipulate, bring guilt, and buy approval. i had seen my parents most violent arguments being resolved with weekends away and fine dinning, yet they still divorced. my sisters pursued the image of my father in other men who had golf memberships, and only found heartbreak...and gucci shoes.
Chris and i lived in a world where we could feel guiltless when valentines came around. we went through a chirstmas and didn't even open a gift. it was liberating, and amish (plain).
We got out of college and got jobs, that were nowhere near the professions we had studied for. i thought i would get a degree and watch myself skip ahead in the corporate climb, and get the job i wanted. i knew i had to pay my due's but damn it, education was a sell out!
Chris on the other got a real good job, with real money, and that's when it all went terribly wrong.
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